Working through the vulnerability hangover

Last night at the Reiki presentation and book signing in Pasadena, I5 people came to hear me share stories and inspiration about the Reiki path.  It was the ideal group for me.  Half were practicing Reiki masters, some professionals in the medical field, others were students interested in learning more.  They all seemed to ‘get’ my vision on raising the bar for Reiki instruction and practice in the world.

Some encouraged me to pursue the creation of a Reiki school in California.  Others were interested in learning more from me.  Everyone thanked me for my willingness to share.

And yet, afterwards, driving back to my humble apartment,  I had that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that often happens to me after I have shared that much personal information.  A good colleague of mine, Shelly Shely calls it ‘vulnerability hangover’….

It only happens to me on occasion after holding classes and talks.   When I was pursuing acting on the stage, it never came up, even though I was being emotionally raw and available to the audience…

But when I present Reiki, there is no character or imaginary circumstance to hide behind.  It’s 100% me.  Exposed, accessible in a ‘take me now’ kind of way.

In the moment, speaking and engaging everyone I’m not really thinking about any of that as much as being very, very present.  It feels like channeling.  Tuning in to what each and everyone needs to hear.

And the group last night wanted all of it, in a hungry kind of way to fill them with my personal path to becoming what and who I have come to stand for.

When that feeling occurs afterwards, I take myself through my own debriefing, my own check-in about what was said.  In becoming my own cheerleader, I help the ‘hangover’ effect subside and it eventually resolves itself.

I’m always shocked that it happens at all.  I’ve taught hundreds of classes, presented all over this country, and I write a lot of my personal experiences in my blog.  You’d think I’d have mastered all the kinks in being this spokeswoman for Reiki.

For the most part, yes, and yet, being seen truly for who I am, well, I guess I’m still working on really making peace with it.

I’m happy that today I have time for a nice long walk on the beach.  I think I’m ready to take in the wisdom of the ocean energy now.  Since moving 4 blocks from it on Sunday I’ve been deliberately avoiding going to the beach.  But now, it’s time to make peace with the ebb and flow of nature, and by default, the tides of emotion that swirl within.





2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. rjonm
    Nov 23, 2011 @ 14:59:09

    It’s an ENFP thing.

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