What I have witnessed as a counselor and Reiki master has been that to reach forgiveness, one needs to be able to be in the moment with forgiveness. Basically, forgiving each moment, and going from there, rather than going backwards in time (which doesn’t exist in the existential realm), but loving oneself in the present instead, letting go of what happened in the perceived past, due to whatever factor.
But you might say, “There’s no way I can forgive him or her, what they did to me was incomprehensible”. Rightfully so. The actions that occurred may have been terrible, awful, inappropriate.
Or, maybe you blame yourself for actions you did that were harmful and you resent your own actions.
But in this very moment, can you make peace with the moment, despite what occurred however long ago? Can you make peace with your breath, with yourself.
Still no peace? How about asking yourself what benefit does it serve you by not forgiving? Sometimes it is of benefit not to forgive. It creates a distance between you and the person or people you feel wronged you, and you move on, away from the circumstance and possibly on with your life. That’s productive about not-forgiving.
But if you are still harboring angst, grief, or sorrow about the circumstance, that energy has to move or it will continue to thwart you.
Just saying ‘let it go’ may not be enough.
“No!”, you say, unable to come to terms with the event. Ok, well, as a counselor, then, what I usually encourage is a dialogue of feelings around that event. A formalized version of venting, if you will.
You can also ‘send’ Reiki back into the past, to help the energy begin to move, but what I think you are doing is actually working on forgiving yourself in the present when you do that. Working on getting a clearer perspective.
Another technique I’ve often used to assist reaching forgiveness is to find an ‘offering tree’ or ‘rock’, or hole in the ground where I can bury what it is that I am still holding on to. I give the earth my grief so that it can be transformed. And then I give gratitude to the earth for being able to alchemically change the emotion.