Here, there and everywhere, I carry around my body, or, should I say, it carries around me. And the ‘me’ is subject to existential debate. I notice certain things about this ‘being’ of mine, how it responds to different environments, what it’s preferences are, what it’s dislikes are.
Each new place I’ve traveled to or lived in has effected this ‘me’ of mine. In personal growth circles, we like to talk about how we are ‘transformed’ and ‘changed’, and in many cases that is true when one steps outside that which is familiar.
But what really changes? The ‘me’? The ‘soul’? Or is it more one’s Beliefs? Thoughts? Perspective? Which are those things a part of? And have they really changed and become something new or are they just add-ons to existing behavior?
Routines and habits have an eery way of staying quite familiar. The way you make coffee, how you eat breakfast, get ready for the day. I’m reminded of the old adage, ‘wherever you go there you are’, the seeming constant in the changing world.
Returning to my home base after being away for almost 4 months, these are my musings. Subtle inner changes have occured and yet my environment and routine seem ‘hauntingly familiar’.
It’s a new type of discovery, discerning this subtle change that has happened, like hunting for something who’s form I’m unsure of. The ghost in the forest.
Like most things that aren’t clear to me, I give them space to evolve and reveal themselves. Forcing something to emerge is like yelling at the soil that is now covered with snow to produce fruit. It’s not ready yet. It needs time, the ground is getting ready.
With that realization, I continue the familiar routines: wearing old clothes, driving the same route, speaking the same phrases…and yet, I give room. Room for the ‘me’ that is now ‘more than me’ that I can’t see but who’s inner stirrings prompt this exploration through words that fail meaning. With that, another day begins….