I know I’ve posted another blog on partner happiness, so bear with me as I extol the virtues of being happy in an honest relationship! What do I mean by honest? That we are super candid with each other on what bothers us, causes us discomfort, jealousy, power struggles, etc. We straightforwardly talk about it. In the open. No passive-agressive actions to ‘get’ the other person to ‘see’ the point.
Now, this honest relationship I am forever grateful I am now in has taken time, patience, some guidance (from excellent counselors, books and classes), and daily work.
You can have your prince ladies, but you need to come down off the pedestal and roll up the train of your gown to have the relationship you want.
I contrast this freedom of being in an honest relationship with those of my clients and students I serve, as well as relationships I have been in the past. It’s hard to generalize, but I’d say if there was one thing that stands out why honesty was not forthcoming it’s because either or both partners were not communicating what they feel.
Why didn’t they (or me) communicate these feelings? Fear, mainly. Fear of 1. causing the other partner pain/anger/distress and then by default, fear of 2. the partner’s retaliation resulting in you feeling/being abandoned.
An honest relationship involves risk. To be heard/seen for who you are, whatever the color you present. Just showing the ‘happy pleasant side’ is not truthful. Just being angry and blaming the other person prevents dialogue to occur.
When you are feeling overwhelmed, hurt, or insulted, your honest partner will hear you. Someone who is not honest, will dismiss, ignore, change the subject, basically minimize what you present to the world.
Life’s too short to be minimized.
So, without gushing any more, I’m grateful, and happy that I’m in a relationship where we are open and honest with each other. Thank you Richard!
Eileen Dey 2014