Going into the 2nd week of a houseful of teenagers and young adults (now there are 4!), a degree of ennui has set in. At first, my response is to fill the void with activities, outings, walks, anything to move the listlessness that abounds. See last week’s blog for details.
And yet, now, the energy would not move. I tried surrendering to it, but it seemed to just permeate rather than dissolve. I look to my cat Comet for inspiration, since he seems to spend most of his life embracing ennui. I asked him how he does it with grace. He didn’t give me any answer directly, only barely moving while I stroked his soft coat.
And so, I went to work, did my errands, visited with friends, and when I’d return home, that holding, stagnation, maybe it was rest?, filled the home. The palpable lack of motivation was wearing on me. So I went into a deeper meditation/Reiki state to seek answers.
I’m embracing a path of happiness for 100 days, was there happiness in ennui? Could there be? I’m hardly a typical type A person, but I definitely am a go-getter and on the move a bit, shaking things up, making things happen, these qualities bring happiness from me and to me. I am easily bored, and when nothing is going on, it feels like something is wrong.
But maybe that’s an outdated belief I need to look at. So I’m still working through finding the joy of it, wrapping my mind around how such an existence can bring happiness to the teenagers that have infused my life for the next few weeks. They seem perfectly content waking up at 1pm, getting going around 3, regardless that a lot of things have happened already. Events have come and gone this week without attendance. Default is renting movies, listening to Ipod, watching Youtube. My inner voice cries out, ‘this isn’t engaging stimulation!!!’, but perhaps, being a teen in 2014 is being in an overstimulated world, maybe for them, this introverted focus, this silent watching is the balance they seek.
My balance is different. I like being out in the world, tasting, interacting, hearing something live, fresh, new. Sigh. Today I seek to find that. If teenagers wish to join, so be it. I’m happy to be living a different path. Life is so much more.
Eileen Dey 2014