Witnessing Silence

jesus-love-lightThe physical and emotional memories of the ear infections I got as a kid are now processing themselves.  It’s trauma and pain I’ve blocked out for most of my life, partly because those illnesses are a part of childhood, partly because I don’t want to remember what they were like.

But now, as an adult, after suffering through this season’s flu, I’m moving through a healing journey that is bringing up these old memories.

I don’t have a memory of my first ear infection, but I am sure if I did some deep bodywork, it might come up.  I remember all the ones that came after, because I knew what was in store for me:  Hours and hours of having terrible pain in my ears, loud and relentless sounds of the beating of my heart through my head.  The outside world would sound distant and far away.  I could hear sounds, but they were so muted.   I would feel locked in, alone and scared.  It was tough.  Each infection lasted days.  Mom helped, taking me to the doctor, getting the medications.  But the feeling of being shut out from the world, because I couldn’t hear, because I was in pain used to just bring me to a state of almost emotional detachment.  It was almost too much to bear each time.

Currently, I am left with a temporary hearing deficit at about 50 percent of what I normally hear following this recent illness.   The ear pain wasn’t as great as a before, but the silence that I am hearing is familiar territory.

Only now, with twenty plus years of a spiritual practice, the emotional detachment I am experiencing is actually a relief.

I could choose to grieve this loss or I can embrace it at part of a new experience.  I don’t know where it will lead, and I’m not fully recovered from my illness, so this all may resolve in a week’s time.  Or not.

I realize how much my senses have enabled me to navigate this reality.  Without full hearing, I have more freedom to actually move through the world.  I am spending less time having to interpret and figure out sounds, whether conscious or not.  There is a lot of noise in this world, I realize, and not being able to hear it all is quite peaceful.

I can hear people speaking  to me in person so that I can continue to do my work, to teach, to counsel, to assist.  Phone calls are harder.  The clarity of the voice is not there as it is in person.  Music is harder to tolerate because the note ranges are much flatter, and the familiar songs sound kind of ‘canned’ or ‘tinny’.  Live music seems better, the ability to ‘feel’ the sound helps me hear it better.

But I am newly walking in this more quiet world.  As I continue on this unexpected journey, I will be curious to see what other observations I witness and experience.

If you’ve had experience with an illness-induced hearing loss or any resources you think would be of assistance, please feel free to share.

Eileen Dey Wurst Copyright 2017

1 Minute Mind Cleanse

Losing Brain FunctionI invite you to take this time to go deep within.  Take a breath.  Honor this moment and this pause.  The world at large going on around you is still going on, regardless of how you feel about it.

I stumbled across a beautiful project that is a collection of positive words from around the world.  Take a look at some of these concepts.  They offer fresh perspective.

This is what you can control: what occupies your thoughts.  What is feeding your thoughts?  External stimuli?  How does it effect you in this moment.  Come back to that pause.

This is not a way of backing out of the reality that is our new world, our new America.  But it is to say, where are we focusing our energy on.  What are we getting obsessed about?  I write and post this on social media with the hope that you will read it and it can offer an opportunity for your own mind to take a break from all the other news articles, posts, rants and feelings that are swirling around you.

If you keep projecting out into the future you are technically ‘future tripping’.  It’s a very slippery slope.  You project your hopes, dreams fears out into the future and you start to make it so.  Thoughts are things.  With enough focus, you can eve create your own future with your thoughts.

So it’s very important at this time to have more purity of thought.  Meditation is one way to achieve this, as is self-Reiki.  Feeding the mind with other words, phrase, images.  It requires the act of unplugging from the main currents of information.

Words have vibration.  My hope is to create words that promote loving-kindness and offer a safe harbor from the other words, phrases and thought forms being generated at this time.

Special thanks to Dr. Loma’s project of postivie lexicography.

Photo credit  Copyright 2017 Eileen Dey Wurst

Releasing Ritual for 2017

binecuvantare

To transform old energy, I am writing down on slips of paper the things that were obstacles, challenges, frustrations and disappointments.  They go into the pile to be burned.  I’m not saying that I didn’t learn from those things, and will continue to learn from them, but they didn’t necessarily help the forward motion of light and love in the world.  So they are to get turned into something new that can be beneficial to the planet at this time.

For instance, I have had to deal with various mean-spirited and self-centered people this year who take no responsibility for lashing out and dumping their anger onto me.  Being the sensitive individual that I am, I can’t help but be effected.

I have spent my whole adult life as a counselor and Reiki practitioner cultivating compassion and being considerate, to the best of my ability.  However, when someone has been verbally abusive or expressing repulsive statements to me, that is not my responsibility to own.  I define my boundaries and witness their bad behavior from my own perspective.  This is my world, this is theirs.  I am sorry they have not had the opportunity, willingness or otherwise to see things in a different light, but I am not responsible for their bad behavior.

The following is a guideline for how I begin to transform the accumulated energetic debris through the release ritual:

1.  On one slip of paper I write what needs to be released from my energy field.  In this instance: ‘ Bad Behavior of Mean-Spirited Person/People’.

2. Then I say out loud: “I burn away your attempt to harm me and in it’s place I receive the Universal love and light and support that is Reiki”.  I burn the slip of paper.

3.  Finally, I say:  “Reiki has no judgement, it only honors and respects the practitioner and receiver.  I allow myself to receive that love and light. It is non-judgemental and only seeks to raise my vibration.  It does not take away from me but adds to my being.  In that I have the opportunity to move toward wholeness.  I promote my own self-healing.  I turn away from your direct attack and step aside into the flow.  In the flow is peace, truth, my essence.  These are eternal and nothing you can do or say can effect that integrity.  This is my power.  You cannot effect my essence.  I am a Divine Being of Light on this Planet and with that knowing of my own personal truth, you cannot prevent me from shining that into the world.  My choice is compassion and benevolence.  I bestow peace and love.  I bestow peace and love.  I am sorry you cannot see or honor that, but I walk the path released in that Truth.”

For each obstacle, disappointment or frustration that is still within my energy field (it’s an extensive inventory for the year, believe me!), I tailor steps 1-3 accordingly.

But as I’m doing the inventory, I might find that there were some of those things that were helpful after all, so they might just need further integration.  And of course, in doing the inventory, there are many things that contributed to light, love and abundance.

I write all these things, the things that still need integration or the things that were very positive on slips of paper and put them in a ‘Blessing Bowl’.  It’s a bowl I have made in mt pottery studio.  In the next year I will be creating bowls for purchase through my pottery studio.

Those statements in the Blessing Bowl receive the Divine Light of Reiko for the new year ahead and for greater transformation and evolution.

Copyright 2016 Eileen Dey Wurst

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