Hope through Change

disease-in-the-middle-agesAs a child I remember having this recurring dream.  In it, all the old structures around us had crumbled to the ground and there were these bird people looking after us.

I must have been about 5 years old when I first started having these dreams because it was before I was going to school full time.  Just before I entered first grade.

The dream always started in the same way.  I’d ‘wake up’ in the dream and the buildings and structures that were all around me were either abandoned or had been reduced to rubble.  Most of the sky, rocks and debris were all a pale gray hue.  The air felt stale and unhealthy.  The feeling of the dream was one of discomfort, desolation and a permeating sense of isolation as I walked through the empty streets of the dream.

Then, from among the heaps of rubble, several large ‘bird people’,  beings three times my size with large eyes and beaks, colored in colors of pale green and blue, came towards me.  The colors of their feather capes were a contrast to the monochrome background around us.  I remember feeling uncertain but not afraid.  One of the bird people put their feather cape over me.  I immediately felt protected, safe.  The others were in a semi-circle and holding some kind of class or training.

These bird people didn’t speak but communicated to me ‘through space’ to my mind.  They told me something like ‘the old has ended and the new is beginning’.  ‘We are here to help you move through this new world’.

What they said to me made me feel more at ease.

In the dream, the world had obviously changed.  The only direction was moving forward.  These bird protectors were showing me new tools and ways to live.  I would spend time with them in different parts of the city and they would show me how to look/approach thoughts/people differently.  It felt as if they were teaching me a new language.  The dream ended there, in the learning sessions being conducted by the bird people.

I usually would wake with a feeling of being welcomed into a new sense of community and a way of being in the world.  At the time, being 5, that dream felt to me like I was living in some kind of future movie and when I would awake, I’d be back to my everyday life.

Over the years I have reflected on that dream, and because it had been recurring, it was sealed in my memory in detail, so it was rather easy to recall.

Yesterday, when the sky was a bit more gray, that recall came back when I was alone in my quiet meditations. I again remembered this dream.  Now, 45 years later after first having those visions, the similarities to my experience and images I see on the news gave me chills.  Was this dream prophetic?  What meaning does it have for me now?

I do feel many structures are coming down or being re-created in new ways.  Community is happening virtually ‘through space’.   Are the bird people representative of the health care workers wearing personal protective equipment?  I’m not sure.

I’m still processing the dream and how it relates to our current circumstances.  It feels to me  that despite the dystopian qualities we experience and the radical changes in behavior we all have begun to implement, a new potential is emerging.  For now, I am embracing this new way of being.  I feel the dream offered hope through accepting change.

Open to your interpretations.

Copyright 2020 Eileen Dey Wurst

Restoration instead of Recovery

http://pinterest.com/pin/241575967484596271/In the dictionary recovery means “The act of returning to normal”.  However, anyone who has embarked on a path of recovery from addiction might tell you that 1.  There is no such thing as ‘normal’ and 2. Returning to normal is impossible.

What is normal in the first place?  Were you normal to begin with?  Who’s definition of normal are we talking about?

I propose instead to call the process of healing from addiction as one of restoration, which according to the dictionary means “The act of making new”.  The path of sobriety is one in which one’s world view, lifestyle and habits must change, be made new. The old ways don’t work any more.  It is time for restoration.

Just as we use the term ‘restoration’ for healing environmental devastation,  the recovering individual must take on the path of restoring their habitat, their self-worth, their perception of the world.

This is what I have found walking on this journey, my life absent of alcohol.  I knew it was time to change when drinking ceased to be something casual and social.  It had started to become a habit.   A habit that started to turn self-destructive and impacted all my relationships in some way, most of all, my relationship with myself.

I was tired of drinking to feel good, reduce anxiety, relieve boredom, blur reality, give me energy, put me to sleep, make me feel confident, etc., etc. etc.

I had tried to moderate my consumption over the years, even joining and later facilitating a Moderation Management group, a support system for attempting to control drinking.

But if you are prone to addiction, whether that be through genetics or culture or both, there is no control.  It is an illusion.

I can only speak for myself, but getting involved in the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous has provided both a program and source of support to to restore my world and my life to sanity.

I’ll write about this in another blog, but taking the step of attending the first meeting was huge for me because I had to finally admit the truth of my habit.  I am happy I didn’t have enter AA under any legal circumstance because going into the program voluntarily keeps me honest in this work of restoration.

Each day is now one in which I evaluate my choices, my decisions, my thoughts.  Making new ones instead of old ones that were leading me down a path I didn’t want to go.  New growth can occur from this restoration and with new growth comes transformation and release from what no longer honored me.

Copyright 2013 Eileen Dey
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Staying centered in change

Some days the amount of change that happens in a short span of time seems like the vortex of calamity has descended upon your life.  All I find I can do is find my center, because some of the changes are just, well, beyond my control.

So, I come back to center, literally, in the middle of my body, feeling my solar plexus with my Reiki hands and take a nice, long, deep breath.  The changes are still happening, but I’m able to see ‘through’ them a bit more, not being so attached to the what if’s and how comes of it all.

It’s a practice, and for me, it requires patience.  It’s letting go to the result of so much happening and being with the present moment.

In that moment, just where the breath comes in and goes out, is a small change that occurs naturally.  For me, that observation, makes the change bearable.

And then, just as life is, the velocity of change will often slow down, and a certain status quo seems to return, at least for a little while.  I rest in that plateau, finding my ground once again.


Sending Distant Healing to the Changes in the World 3/1/12

The only constant is change. The world is always changing, as are our own lives. I’d like to dedicate this week’s distant healing from 8-9am PST towards infusing change with great Reiki light.

The first 20 minutes to infuse the whole entire planet, beautiful earth, with radiant light to support all the geological, botanical and biological changes that occur each and every day to bring forth all the diversity that exists nowhere else in the Universe.

The next 20 minutes to our own country, that constantly is in flux on economic, social, cultural, educational and personal levels. Letting light infuse for greatest harmony.

Lastly, 20 minutes towards all the changes in our own and our friends and families lives to help them and us be able to see ‘the forest for the trees’.

Thanks again! For details and comments, check out FB this morning.

in light


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The only constant is change

I so wish it weren’t true sometimes.  It’s nice to have a perceived ‘foothold’ on reality, a predictability.  But it’s certainly not the case.  Each day, heck, each moment is in flux, the air molecules you take in right now are different than the ones just a second ago.

Your cells second to second are changing.  As does the world and life around us.  It is a constant in our lives and sometimes, that change seems much more sped up than not.

When the changes in life seem absolutely overwhelming to to me, I always come back to my breath and my self-Reiki practice.  Those are centering constants, in the midst of change.

The next few months will be another focus in my life on the concept of ‘transition’.  In location, in role, and walker in the world.  Grounding has never been my strong point, I’m a ‘double Sagittarius’ with an Aries moon, which means for me, I’ve got a lot of fire energy that keeps making, creating and moving forward.

But the balance for my world is to find that center in the midst of the constant.  When I get the glimpse in self-Reiki, I can easily breathe into it, and hear my own inner thoughts say, “Now what were you worried about?  The unknown?  It’s all unknown, really”, and I end up laughing, as the Buddha would, and realize yes, this is a truth.

My Dad recently gave me a plaque that says the famous quote, “Be the change you want to see in the world” by Gandhi.  So, when the transitions start to come down the pike, I choose to resonate with them.  To become them, and if they don’t feel right, I will do my ‘Reiki Aikido’ maneuver, which is, flowing into another form, becoming what I want to see.

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