Dare to Dream

dream text on green leaves

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“What dream would you dare to dream if you knew you could not fail?”  This was my answer to that question when I was asked it over 20 years ago:

“I’d want to feel as I had taught a class where everyone had gotten something out of it.  I’d want to do the same for counseling-that my clients had really heard me and began taking steps to improve their lives.  I might like to do some stand-up comedy-making people happy through my own tragedies with a twist-at least then I might feel they were worth living through.  Perhaps pursuing acting for the same reasons.  I would like to take part in building a center for healing, picking out the colors, textures, classes, people, food-creating a public healing sanctuary (PHS).”

I found this handwritten in a stack of papers I am going through in working (again) on my next writing project.

I had to just take a step back and realize that I had in fact accomplished all those desires, including pursuing 2 years of acting study and a brief stint with stand-up comedy (although I’m tempted to take a jab at it again and see what happens).

I do believe in writing down what your intentions/goals/ideas are in order to have those concepts be held somewhere in physical space (on the piece of paper in this instance).  It also makes those intentions more ‘real’ by writing them down and also beginning to hold you accountable to them.

So I encourage you to answer that first question, do some writing on it for 5 minutes and then put it out on your desk, in your kitchen, etc. where you can see it as you move forward through this next week and month.  Be prepared to be surprised!

Copyright 2020 Eileen Dey Wurst

Hope through Change

disease-in-the-middle-agesAs a child I remember having this recurring dream.  In it, all the old structures around us had crumbled to the ground and there were these bird people looking after us.

I must have been about 5 years old when I first started having these dreams because it was before I was going to school full time.  Just before I entered first grade.

The dream always started in the same way.  I’d ‘wake up’ in the dream and the buildings and structures that were all around me were either abandoned or had been reduced to rubble.  Most of the sky, rocks and debris were all a pale gray hue.  The air felt stale and unhealthy.  The feeling of the dream was one of discomfort, desolation and a permeating sense of isolation as I walked through the empty streets of the dream.

Then, from among the heaps of rubble, several large ‘bird people’,  beings three times my size with large eyes and beaks, colored in colors of pale green and blue, came towards me.  The colors of their feather capes were a contrast to the monochrome background around us.  I remember feeling uncertain but not afraid.  One of the bird people put their feather cape over me.  I immediately felt protected, safe.  The others were in a semi-circle and holding some kind of class or training.

These bird people didn’t speak but communicated to me ‘through space’ to my mind.  They told me something like ‘the old has ended and the new is beginning’.  ‘We are here to help you move through this new world’.

What they said to me made me feel more at ease.

In the dream, the world had obviously changed.  The only direction was moving forward.  These bird protectors were showing me new tools and ways to live.  I would spend time with them in different parts of the city and they would show me how to look/approach thoughts/people differently.  It felt as if they were teaching me a new language.  The dream ended there, in the learning sessions being conducted by the bird people.

I usually would wake with a feeling of being welcomed into a new sense of community and a way of being in the world.  At the time, being 5, that dream felt to me like I was living in some kind of future movie and when I would awake, I’d be back to my everyday life.

Over the years I have reflected on that dream, and because it had been recurring, it was sealed in my memory in detail, so it was rather easy to recall.

Yesterday, when the sky was a bit more gray, that recall came back when I was alone in my quiet meditations. I again remembered this dream.  Now, 45 years later after first having those visions, the similarities to my experience and images I see on the news gave me chills.  Was this dream prophetic?  What meaning does it have for me now?

I do feel many structures are coming down or being re-created in new ways.  Community is happening virtually ‘through space’.   Are the bird people representative of the health care workers wearing personal protective equipment?  I’m not sure.

I’m still processing the dream and how it relates to our current circumstances.  It feels to me  that despite the dystopian qualities we experience and the radical changes in behavior we all have begun to implement, a new potential is emerging.  For now, I am embracing this new way of being.  I feel the dream offered hope through accepting change.

Open to your interpretations.

Copyright 2020 Eileen Dey Wurst

Can a book channel evil?

I finally finished the biography on Steve Jobs and last night I had one of the most horrendous nightmares I have yet to experience.

I dreamed that the evilness that inhabited the Apple co-founder’s spirit ended up haunting my apartment and began to embody various objects:  first my Yoda doll, that is pre-recorded to say witty things like “May the Force be with you”, but in the case of the dream, it turned into a kind of Chucky nightmare and the doll said “I’ve been waiting for you”.

Then the evil spirit transferred to my cat Comet, urging me to light him on fire.  AAAHHH!!!

I woke up in a sweat, oriented back to reality and made sure my cat was safe, which of course, he was.

I was quite shaken up, so I had some tea, did some Reiki to calm down.

I had the passing thought that the logo for Apple is a bitten apple, like the one Eve bit into being tempted by Satan.  I had to stop thinking these thoughts.

But later this morning, I started to contemplate, ‘can a book channel evil’?  Is that why many have been banned and burned over the years?

It’s just a piece of paper with words, but the stories in this book I’ve reading, talk about the harsh treatment this guy did to his employees.  He had a narcissistic attitude towards the world and his family.

I don’t care what legacy he’s left behind with his iPhone/Tablet/Tunes products.  At what cost to humanity?

Destroying not only many lives of engineers and staffs forcing them to work 90 hour weeks to complete his mission.  Destroying his own body by pushing it to extreme limits of work.

I don’t think such harsh destruction of one’s psyche needs to happen in order to make change.  I know that change can be made without such force.

But back to the idea that a book can hold evil.  This book is a biography, but it contains quotes from the man in question.  It has an eerie photo of him staring back at you on the book jacket.  I removed this as soon as I got the book because I found it disturbing (maybe an early intuition).

Jobs was accused of manipulating others to do what he wanted with that stare.

Words and stories have power, and I don’t see why a book can’t also transmit them, especially when one is sensitive to energy.

I put the book outside on my patio until my partner, Richard, woke up and he asked me what it was doing out there.  I told him not to think I’m crazy, but that book has to leave.

Richard told me in his field, which is also computer science, he’s seen many ‘egomaniac CEO’s’ and could relate to my own feelings.  He agreed to take the book with him to work.  I’m not sure if that’s the right thing, but it’s out of my environment for now, which settles my nerves.

I think my work on this is to find compassion somewhere in this experience, but for now, I’m keeping a distance from anything Apple!

Photo credit

 

 

Dreaming about Armageddon

I destroyed the city I live in last night in my dreams.  I took large fireballs and starting pounding downtown, buildings exploded and then collapsed, with the bay finally crashing into the streets.  It looked just like a movie, but in my dream, I was the one doing it while my spiritual teacher watched.  He asked me, “Are you satisfied with your result?”  I looked at the devastation and realized I actually could have done more damage, so I said, “No, it could have more thoroughly executed.  I forgot to unleash the dead.”

Reality check:  In my real life, I’ve never intentionally harmed anyone or anything, let alone gone to war or killed a living thing.  I’m an advocate for peace and light and love.

I had the realization in the middle of the dream that all of this was a dream and that unleashing the dead, well, would probably not be a good thing for Seattle, let alone the world.

So, I spent the rest of the dream organizing an army of archangels, ascended masters, and  wise sages to counterbalance the release of the dead and hopefully prevent total annihilation.

I awoke before witnessing that final scene.  But instead of finding myself in a panic, like, “Oh no, what I have I done!”,  I find myself this morning actually kind of exhilarated.

Like, “Wow, that’s some pretty impressive power for one person to have!”

I’ve realized you try things in dreams, you get in touch with your moral compass.  The feeling of being able to destroy things is very powerful, the fact that you can.  But whether  felt or experienced in dream or reality, that’s not power, real power is having all the ability to destroy something and yet choosing not to.

As healers and practitioners it’s important to realize we do have a certain power-to influence, and to assist in one’s healing process.  But to have sole dominion over an individual or group, well, that’s ego gone awry.

Why my dreamtime had to be so violent is curious to me, but I’ve learned to trust that and realize that an inner process is working itself out.  Probably has to do with my upcoming transition to living in a new place for a period of time, a chance to re-create myself and my work .

But the psyche, the subconscious, I have deep respect for, and the latent power within, I bow in honor of what it is capable to do, not only in me, but in the whole world.  And thankfully, as I look outside today, Seattle is happily still here and thriving.

 

 

 

 

Meandering of the mind on a misty day

I was 27.  I had been practicing Reiki only a year.  My life was in total transition.  I had divorced the year before and was finishing graduate school.  I was taking my first steps as a counselor at a community clinic.

I lived in a walk-up studio apartment on the 3rd floor of an old house with my cat and parakeet.  It was the first time I had lived on my own, not in relationship with anyone.

When I wen t back East to NJ on my book tour this summer, I drove past that old house and neighborhood.  Many of the same stores were still there and the neighborhood was the same.

I thought of the times I would bike to school, spend time with my cat, getting my first Reiki table, participating in Reiki circles.  All of it was so new and at times overwhelming.

I was fellow students with a whole international community and at one point was even invited to go with a colleague to her home town of Isfahan in Persia, or Iran.

This was before 9/11, before the Middle East revolutions of the last year.  I often wonder what that trip would have been like had I taken it.

In those days, any chance I had to travel the world I jumped at, eventually going on a month sojourn through Britain and France.

I wrote daily in my journal, read Rumi and Joseph Campbell and wondered about my future career as a counselor.

Here I am 15 years later, living a much more established life, still travelling, still practicing Reiki and evolved in my profession.

When the skies in Seattle, like they are today, become overcast, I become reflective.  I’m thinking about that untaken trip to Persia.  Perhaps another opportunity will present itself in years to come.  Perhaps with social media (that didn’t exist a decade ago) I can find my Isfahan friend.  Meanderings of the mind on a misty day.

Being back in high school as a Reiki master

That was the dream I was having waking up this morning.  I was back at Clifton High School, as me now, going through classes being the adult I have become.

So imagine that teenager in that photo being Eileen, Reiki master, walking through the halls.

It was very, very cool…to be able to see my fellow students in their sufferings rather than their wacky behaviors and outfits.

To realize the guidance counselors and other staff I knew then and see them for the true helpers they really were rather than just ‘goofy’ adults.

Often with high school dreams in the past I had a sense of, “Help!  Wait, I’m not supposed to be here!” and wake up kind of panicky, like I just missed getting stuck into a re-run of my life.

But with this one, I was more exploring and discovering what it would  have been like to have the awareness of the world I have now, then.

Gym class, which for me, was always stressful because of sensing all the energies of everyone having an hour to freely express, was actually fun (in the dream).

I saw how each part of the high school experience was part of  a greater whole.

Not sure what all this means, I’m not a dream analyst, but perhaps it has something to do with the deep bodywork I had yesterday in a trade with my dear Reiki colleague, Shelly.

A lot of release happened, and clearing.  Maybe high school is the first step.  What’s next, 8th grade?  I’ll have to wait until dreamtime to see…..

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